Froze (Fall Notebook, Page 1)

Needed to write something. I don’t know what or why. overwhelmed. Froze up. Words. Don’t want to express things just need to say things. Not depressed only troubled by the conflicting thoughts that aren’t my own. Thoughts. words. Take a shower and felt better. People and expressions. War march from Washington for two weeks. building the fear. Then. Nothing. Then. What? Nothing. Beds made and sheets and fixed my watch. I froze. Thinking. I feel fine there’s just something I can’t say that’s holding me up. War. Nothing. Keys and the store and people and signing digital pads. Bills and dates and wanting to go out on Saturday night but too much to do. Nothing really to say but I needed to say something. People. Family. Friends. Girl. Dog. Me. Pulling. Everything is pulling. Slow down. Don’t need to tell me. Slowly. Build like steps to get where? Sometimes I forget. Next. I waited and closed my eyes. Everything. What? I don’t know. Books and deadlines and social media, everything’s so overwhelming. Froze up for two hours and slept too late. Not having a bad time there’s just so much to do and nowhere newer seems to come into view. Sometimes everything is all too much for me to think about. I have to. I have to think about so much. And friends…last night. And we all felt weird. We all said this. We said the we felt weird for some reason but we didn’t know why. All of us only wanted to get drunk. We did. It wasn’t fun. Everyone got mad and The fall? Maybe reflection occurs more so after the summer. Twenty Degrees over normal. 95. 85. Ten Degrees below normal. 55. 35. It’s cold. The Weather. Drinking too much only makes it worse because sometimes when the writer gets like this… he, sometimes I get mean and say things and forget things. Sometimes I get mean and I hate it. I say what I say only to spark some life but I drank too much and felt bad about what I said because I just wanted to feel something and care about something. Two weeks of calling for war and then nothing. I want to say something, but I don’t know…

I Just needed to feel something. I froze up and just sat there. I was hungry and had things to do. I don’t know. I just froze.

Sometimes, simply living is all I can do. I’m glad it’s not going to happen.

I wish the government was easier on us, because sometimes, living is all you can do.

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