( my eyes don’t have time to edit this)

This is part of the adventure and that’s what this blog was for, and I don’t know if this is boring to humanity. Maybe it’s awkward because it aint easy to feel. I don’t know what this means. But I’m getting older soon and people I dated have five-year olds…lol.

after the past couple weeks of feeling really sick and still dragging myself to do this I’ve considered what I’m doing. I’m losing badly. I’m going to finish what I’m working on now. I think this was a cool experiment. But…I don’t feel good so I’ve decided either the world changes or I do, or I move into the woods or die and I don’t really want to do either. This whole money thing is terrible on a human body lol. Anyway if I don’t sell enough books and at least whatever thy’re called (digital downloads) or get some kinda  writing offer and start making over 1.50 an hour I guess I’m going to (WHAT?) work at target or something. lol. 

….All I know is that I have to quit this blog and being a 70 hour a week writer (if I do if anybody else wants it you can have it and keep it going).

This decision will happen in the next couple weeks. I’m just going to release them and see what happens. I have zero dollars. I’m a fucking mess. What I’m saying is that I have 500 people following this mayhem and I’m not going down like this. This is a free market and if people don’t buy it I’m going to spend ten years on my next book. Editing is way too hard on my body and my mind and I’m done after this. Honestly I am.

I love writing for some crazy reason and I dont know if what I’m saying is even possible, I might be addicted, but I seriously….I don’t know. It doesn’t make sense anymore. It’s still fun. I still have it. But it’s not healthy. That’s the main problem. I’m losing my shit. I’ve lost everything I’ve loved over and over since 2006 and that seems like a long time, and I don’t know what’s going to happen. I might delete this, it’s just been very draining and I don’t want to be an old man Burroughs who finally figured out that there’s only love when he’s on his deathbed. I don’t know yet…

 Anyway, I thought I should write something drunk and crazy for once and just say what I mean.

And I mean it. ha. 

Thank you and keep writing and reading.