I’m so lucky

(so many of these posts are of writing years old. But since I don’t want them and the point was never to hold onto them like some hermit, here you go web of eyes, I’m still holding onto my best material for now though. ha. bye. 

I’m So Lucky Running Nose-borrowed jeans and shirt-nose won’t stop running-people keep talking-abstract objects in my head. I’m in love with depression-I’ve hit a brick wall-everything is once again familiar-I’m an awkward seer of society-I’m once again almost out of money-I like to grin-I like to smile-I like to look at my hands as they write down these words. I Don’t want to go back to the house; it’s full of philistines that I encourage and drink away the nights with- out of frustration. I’m ready to leave-I’m tired of the noise. Tired Of the same words-books-writers-seasons-women-men-dreams-drugs-cigarettes-tired-tired-oh so tired-tired of the refrain-of this restraint and structure that I have spontaneously decided to follow. This is not writing-it’s not therapy-it’s not prose-it’s not fiction-it’s not even theory. These thoughts and measures are only existence-nothing more-nothing less. I’m Dried up and numb; it’s a dream world that’s as real and violent and as tragic and as beatific as the bodies of mass that I sit next to at this same old shop of coffee. This place-my sun-I’ve been orbiting around here aimlessly for how many years now?-I’m not sure-I don’t mind-I live in the middle of the earth-I dug the hole-I enjoy dirt in my mouth-it protects my teeth. I live in the middle of it all; it’s cold-its heavenly-its complete hell. I’m so Lucky-refrain-restraint-revise-another sip of coffee-walk down the street-throw the change away-revise Restraint Restraint Revise Refrain