What is on my mind right now? Only that I feel like my stomach is falling out of my toes. I drank way too much last night and stayed up way too late, and the only thing that can fix my mood is that I probably should call it a day. But I really don’t have the time. I have way too many things to do right now, way too much to read. Guess like tonight I will just persevere within the nausea, these hung-over feelings that I alone am responsible for having inflicted upon myself.
The bar was lame, but it was good seeing a friend in real life. When we were leaving I was asking, why does everyone get so serious and grumpy and yell at each other when they drink. I only went for a real life good time, and I did, that is, I did for the most part have a good time.
I talked about sports, and for some reason this is what American dudes in this small town talk about. Like monkeys with hippie clothes and backwards caps we talked about football and what’s going to happen with some quarterback position. I had no idea what I was talking about, but by the end of the conversation everybody thought I was right, and the team, whatever team it was, should do what I said.
I guess sports is the safe version of politics or something, and I tried to talk about politics and space travel, rational discussion, but talking about politics and super earths I was quickly informed isn’t something you do in this conservative town.
A recent report from a sociological journal said that the level of conservative trust with science in the United States is at an alarming low level. Republicans have slowly been hating more and more on science since around the early 1970s, and not because they are informed conservatives, but because they believe that because they are right leaning, well then they are supposed to be against everything that science has to say about life, especially on the micro level, which is crazy considering how much technology is shrinking how we view social living.
It’s strange, and stressed, like being born polish or Arab or anything that is not Blond Dutch or something, or any other ethnicity, well conservatism is now seen as a birthright, and its if you are born white and right and against science. This of course also means you believe in god, and that’s fine, but this also means to a large majority of conservatives that god hates science, which is odd, because you would think that if you were a Christian, you would love science. For, I’m not, but if I was, a starch believer, well maybe science could bring an individual closer to god. You know, closer to the watch maker. (see any intro to philosophy course for more details)
Science was a tool for Einstein, not a dogma; an instrument to get a closer glimpse within the soul of the expanding consciousness of the multi-dimensional universe. But for some reason, people want to think that they know everything. They are against even reading news articles that go against what they believe, stress the non-elastic part of the American belief process; and they want to believe that they were born into a country that is white and conservative and right just the way it is, always. This is why at bars everyone talks about sports and not science or rational political topics, at least generally speaking. America is much too dramatic all of the time believing that they are right. You don’t have to be smart to talk about sports, but you do have to be a dude that talks about sports. This is the law of the wild beast.
And I’m weird in this town. I had a pocket notepad, and when I got bored talking about the sports, well I just looked around the bar, and it was ugly. Observing the American mating ritual is fun, but ugly, and life for these people is better in the cave; a dim drunk cave. Because when its two a.m., in this conservative sports town, well the ugliness has to go back to their American dreams, but first some of them will fight, because they have to show the girls that they’re tuff, and that they most definitely hate science and like sports.
Walking out of the bar with my friend who was talking to some girl with a Los Angeles dodgers hat on, and hardly talking to me, well I was bored and just laughed at the ugliness as I sat there talking and scribbling in my little notebook, pages that today I can’t even read.
And I laugh thinking of myself, the myself of last night. I don’t drink that much anymore, but man, yeah I still have the taste buds for beer, I love it.
And alcohol has strange effects on me, it makes me feel invincible, invisible, adventurous or something, as if I can hide within the masses.
Today, when I looked at the pages of my scribbling, well the only thing I can make out is something about security cameras looking like upside-down gumball machines.
Today is April fool’s day, and nope, I aint even trying to make any jokes. I’m much too old for those types of shenanigans. Truth, I’m much too hung-over, still awake, still typing, still trying to get my bones in and out of the shower and place my ass in chair for a good two hours of editing.
Life, yeah, it’s difficult for me today.