Adventures In American Writing Holiday Card Number Two

(file under keywords from dimension why I outta. All cartoon truth belongs to the guy who made this video. I’ll take down if he wants. but it’s real good stuff. Leave a message at the beep if it’s a problem)

Different Holiday Same Nonsense

I like people. I really do, but sometimes I swear they want to kill me. Take today, I was in a new city and I asked about five people how to get to this bookstore that I was going to do some slave labor for because I want my industry to get their shit together even on the smaller scale. See, you can’t run the book industry like a micro brewery, and if you want to fetish everything well everyone will end up poor and jaded. I know I’m mad but I had to scream and I don’t do that (unless I do)  so I write. It was cold as hell and my hands were blue and my boots are shit because they look kinda cool but I might as well be wearing replicated bear skins, because they’re not really boots, they’re terrible products and my feet are always cold. I was lost so I said I’ll give it a shot and talk to my peers, the humans, and one guy actually said I don’t have time as he was looking at his phone. Another person was younger and after I said excuse me he said, I don’t have any money. I said what? I need to know how to get to this bus. The hipster said I don’t know man and was kneeling in a doorway with his laptop on his knees. I even had the map pulled up and my stupid kindle thing that I have because society loves this shit, and I didn’t know how the bus system worked, that’s all. I got to the station and asked the person behind the cage. I smiled and was trying my best to still slightly give society the benefit of the doubt, but come on, it’s just snow people. Hello I said. What? Um, you know how to get here? They said some words but they were tired and didn’t make sense when they talked. The workers are against the workers and who needs judges in the states when people act like they’re hearing supreme court cases when you ask them the simplest of questions. So? Hello? He was ignoring me and I said hello again, calmly as if I was in some old dick van dyke musical that gets ugly when the fat man shows up, but I really was; I trying to be seasonable and they said, just look on the internet. I said I’ve done that. And? JUST TELL ME WHAT BUS? This guy worked for the city and so what’s your problem he said. I placed my hands on the counter and said, well my friend, the city is not the internet and my socks are wet and I have to be somewhere. Call a taxi he said. You going to pay for it? What do you expect me to do he said. Damn man, the bus system isn’t logical. They said some bad words and I said read a book why don’t ya.

I wish an ice storm would freeze everything forever, for at least five years. I’d be the one doing all the work while they plugged their gadgets into electrical outlets that no longer worked. I was mad ok, because I had to be there at eleven. I was up late and early working on my writing because that’s what I do, even if I have other things going on, and so what nobody gives a rats ass that I was on two hours of sleep and so I got on the wrong bus. I ended up in what the people call, the wrong side of the tracks, and you know what, the people who say that are idiots. Because the very first guy I asked told me exactly how to get there. I said thanks man I’m running real late. I told him about how the suits and workers wouldn’t help me and how I’m new here and just trying man…He said people are assholes and hop in, I’ll give you a lift. Thanks man here’s five bucks. Naw he said. Be cool and five minutes later I was there and the bookstore, another story for another day, and I’m being sorta sarcastic when I say that this American holiday is like watching Fox News and Football while being trapped in the electronic department at wall mart. It’s true. The nonsense is mind-boggling. I don’t even know why people are allowed to talk unless they have empirical evidence to support their cause. What about radio shack? Don’t you feel bad for them. I do. A world run by technocrats and fantasy dungeon and dragons slayers who are the new yuppies for a whole new generation of bullshit. I know…NICER…but sometimes I think the heart of everything that is wrong with society, is Christmas. It’s a war and we need to end this war before it’s too late, but in the end, it’s probably pretty much over for people like me anyway.

ANYWAY. Cheers! This guy who wrote this song agrees, and it’s kinda catchy too. Wrap this up and smoke it. GOOD JOB SOCIETY. YOU WIN. HA!


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