Mambo number 23
My hair was thinner than the last time I was here and so none of that mattered, to them, I looked the same, drinking old rages fueled by not letting go of the parts of life I couldn’t control before, before the story; a story that had just gotten out of control. Everything, even honesty made no sense. Nothing about this ah life made any sense, it was a story, it wasn’t art, it was a search, and what was I searching for…. I didn’t know anymore. I was just looking for that something, that desperation and that stillness of everything, and the night, the night, just like the voice that I feel within my ears, Spanish, and I don’t know, I don’t know why I love not knowing, it makes me feel that something, that adventure, and I don’t want to know, I don’t ever want to find it, because it just is. I’m a scientist that doesn’t want to know, well not yet, and I’ll wait, maybe I’ll always be much too young to find the Z variable in my life.
I figure that there’s something for me in this world. Do you think there’s something for you in this world? Is love what I’m looking for; yes and no and not really, but sure, it has to be part of it. Everything is human, and I’m not ashamed, why should I be afraid of failure, because I know this truth now, and it’s a chorus, a plucking guitar one chord, now another, a piano, where did the keys come from, everything coming together; a band, a full band, ear, two ears, guitar-the drum loop-and one-two A C E…pause.